dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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