my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
