My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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