Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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