hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
