Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
