I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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