all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
