if you like me you must not know who I am
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
