goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
