wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
