So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
