Your face is a jimmy john
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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