i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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