Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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