A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
