Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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