She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
