I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
