Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
