Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
