The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
