If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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