Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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