I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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