Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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