are you so shy because you have an std?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
