i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
