i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize