dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
