i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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