i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
