The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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