Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
