And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
