Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
