He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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