ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
