I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My cat gives me a boner
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
