I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
