the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
