at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize