i think my tv is drunk
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
