And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
