When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the condom got lost in my hair
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
