I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize