the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
