So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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