I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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