I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
