I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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