it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
