Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
