The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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