I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i need some magic done to my vagina
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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