I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
whose parrot is this?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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