he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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