Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
