Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
