I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
