video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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