ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
