I wish I could teleport
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You're like the curious george of whores
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
