I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
