Plan B is the new Plan A
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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