how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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