I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
