It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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