is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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