In America we eat man semen.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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