Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
