One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
