he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
