some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
