no you cant smoke seaweed
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
