I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
