i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize