So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
