Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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