We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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