remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
