did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
