Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
