we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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