I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
