It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
now i know why i became what i already was.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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