So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
