In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
