dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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