I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
