so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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