I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
