i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
True strength comes from lack of pants
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
