What did we do last night that was yellow?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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