"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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