Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
