Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You're like the curious george of whores
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize