I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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