she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
