the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i would punch a child for taco bell
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
