There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
