great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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