fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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